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Stars who you wouldn’t want to date

March 1st, 2010 in Articles by Josh

There was a time when all famous people were really attractive, and you’d probably go out with absolutely all of them given half a chance. They had great lives, a relaxed charm, perfect bodies.

And then, unfortunately, somewhere in the middle of it all, over-exposure set in, cracks started to appear, and now some of these wealthy beautiful people seem rather unappealing as a “better half”. Based on what we’ve seen in the media, here are ten celebrities that we definitely wouldn’t go out with, with some very grand, fleeting and totally presumed reasons why not…

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(Can you think of any others? Let us know with a comment…)

Geri Halliwell

Halliwell

Bless her, Geri Halliwell isn’t the shiniest spanner in the tool box. In fact, she comes across as exactly the kind of person who likes to say what she sees. So, when you’re silently tucking into a plate of eggs after a hard night on the grog, she’d probably pipe in with “oh, eating eggs”, before looking out of the window, and explaining how there’s a tall tree on the other side of the road, or how a man just ran past, probably jogging or something. Fast forward two hours, and she’ll still be making inane comments – this time about how all of her belongings appear to flying onto the pavement from upstairs.

Britney Spears

Britney

Something about her fragile mental state suggests that you’d spend the majority of your day comforting Britney Spears, and telling her that everything is going to be fine. She needn’t be so edgy. She would probably be at her most hyper-sensitive on meeting your friends for the first time, during a casual Friday evening get together in a local pub. She’s a pretty girl, they’d probably all agree, but why did she keep bursting into tears?

Jude Law

Jude Law

Why would anyone want to go out with Jude Law? Yes, he’s got the matinee idol looks, and probably a few massive chunks of cash sitting in various bank accounts. But he also has the look of a man who would spend the build up to your love making staring at his own naked body in the mirror, whispering compliments to himself, then afterwards, he’d probably be expecting a thank you. Well, no thanks Jude. No thanks.

JLS

JLS

Now that they’re out of the X Factor, JLS are making sure that the blistering spotlight of fame stays on them for as long as possible. Hence why they’re turning up at every celebrity event going, dressed in matching outfits, never without the other three members, standing in the usual formation – tall ones in the middle, little ones either side. Going out with any of them would present two major problems. 1. You’d probably have to do it with all of them in the room. And 2. Once the spotlight fades, you might find yourself relegated to the Gaffney/Bowers axis of sophistication at Faces nightclub in Essex. Not worth the risk, quite frankly.

Lindsay Lohan

Lohan

If her Dad’s rather morbid predictions are anything to go by, Lohan won’t be around for much longer. But unwanted premature grieving processes aside, she’d still make for a rather unsatisfactory g-friend. It’d be the sneery put downs and the demands for around-the-clock attention that finally break the camel’s back. This is, of course, all built on the presumption that she’d be a right little madam. Call it a sixth sense. Plus, you’d probably need to be a lesbian to really toast her onions anyway.

Robbie Williams

Robbie

The problem with Robbie is that he’d make for great company, but a hunch says that he’d then spend the rest of the night and well into the next day discussing how people might have felt about him – on a deep level. Did they find him annoying? Why did the blonde girl not say goodbye properly? Had he offended her somehow? At first, this sensitivity would seem sweet and even a little bit charming, but after the umpteenth evening of lying in a bed desperate for intercourse, but only getting a paranoid dissection of the days events, you’d have most probably had enough of it.

Lady GaGa

90114L1

To counteract the preposterous outfits, you’d have to make every single outing or event “fancy dress” if you were going out with Lady GaGa. Your pals might enjoy this for a short while, but by the seventh “fancy dress” party in just three weeks, they might rebel, and then they’d see exactly what it was that you were attempting to mask from their judgmental eyes. Your girlfriend dresses like a total cock. Oh, the shame!

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise

Now, we’re not going to mention Tom Cruise’s religious beliefs – these are modern times. If a man wants to assume that most of the human race is secretly aliens pretending to be people, then that’s his choice. Fair play. No, we’d struggle to go out with Tom Cruise mainly because of the passive-aggressive smiles, and the forced laughter. Place the actor in a dinner party scenario, and after the second time he’s given an over-the-top evaluation about how good a prawn cocktail was, you’d just want to punch him in the face.

Pete Doherty

Doherty

Pete’s issues with hard drugs would be a bit of a chore if he was your boyfriend. You want to go out for a dance with the girls, he’s slumped over a mattress wearing just his pants. That’s another night in, then. Of course, he’d be full of tender kisses and mumbled apologies the following day, none of which would be remotely helped by the fact that he wrote you a weird poem in his own blood at 3am, then woke you up to show you by holding your nose until you leapt up in bed, and completely freaked out.

Jennifer Aniston

Aniston

For everything that is demure and beautiful about Jennifer Anniston, there is an underlying suspicion that she’d declare her love for you on about Date Three, then continue declaring it on a daily basis, always making sure that you say “I love you” back, for the rest of the three weeks that you can bear it. Chances are that the relationship would hit crisis mode the minute you absent-mindedly forget to put an “x” on a text, because you’re at work, the boss is all up in your grill, and your stomach is dying for food. Cue hysterical tears, a slammed down phone, and a promise on your part to stick to “normals” from now on.

Author: Josh

Josh has spent ten years plying his wares as a journalist, working for some big names, and some rather small ones too. His is the giant throbbing brain that came up with this whole Interestment malarkey. Specialist subjects include: some types of music, a few films, certain television programmes, and hats.

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